28

Sep

“Well, the first thing that comes to mind is global warming.”

Me: So what will your request for a blog post be?

Bif: Well, the first thing that comes to mind is global warming.

This presents a problem for two reasons:

  1. Global warming is not the first thing on my mind
  2. There’s really nothing humorous about global warming

But I like a challenge!

First- I went through my collection of photos in search of something global-warming-themed. Here’s what I came up with:

Global warming will make it impossible to eat ice cream (because it would melt too quickly) except in sugar cookie form.

The lack of ice cream will make us all very very sad.

Also, all plant life would die, but the memory of flowers would survive via floral-patterned fabrics.

This photo isn’t related to global warming. I just think it’s really awesome. Global warming is really not-awesome.

Global warming will make the world really hot. Like imitation Frank’s Hot Sauce.

Second- I gave up.

Third- I decided not to give up after all. Maybe I just needed more preliminary research.

Me: What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you hear ‘global warming’?

Bif: Pandas.

Person Who is Not Bif: … What comes to mind when I hear global warming?…Less snow? I don’t know, nothing really comes to mind. It’s like asking what comes to mind when you say ‘shoe string.’

Fourth- I gave up.

12 years ago Short URL Comments

Photographs/Requests

/////

18

Sep

“LOL really? KPOP FOREVER <3"

T. has requested that I review the following list of K-Pop songs:

  • Up and Down —  SHINee
  • Like Money — Wonder Girls featuring Akon
  • I Love You — 2NE1
  • Fantastic Baby — Big Bang
  • Beautiful Stranger — FX

S. Midge read through the list and two more additions were made:

  • Sexy, Free and Single — Super Junior
  • No Mercy — B.A.P.

I only have time to review one song today, because first I needed to learn how to review music, which took some time. Unfortunately, I also lack the time to follow rules. For example, Alex Petridis’ article in The Guardian, “How to Write the Perfect Album Review” suggests listening to an album multiple times before reviewing it–this I have not done. I listened to ninety seconds of it. Nor did I research the album or artist in search of “the most arcane tangential fact” that would “illuminate [my] understanding of it.” Instead, I will base my review of SHINee’s “Up and Down” entirely upon its YouTube comments.

Sonja’s Review of “Up and Down”

The five members of SHINee–Taemin, Jonghyun, Onew, Minho and Key–can best be described as cute, so adorableeeeeee : ), hot!!!, verry verry sexy and “estan mas guapos que nunca.” In fact, “all those ppl who dislike tis vid must be so blinded by SHINee’s hotness and cuteness that they pressed the wrong button.”

With the exception of Taemin and Jonghyun, their perfect voices are “super duper unique” and are distinguished in the following ways: “Taemin and Jonghyun’s voices… are the definition of pure cuteness. Onew’s voice is the definition of pure coolness. Minho’s voice is the definition of pure epicness. Key’s voice is the definition of pure amazingness.”

xDDD well,soometimes my mood is soo too and then I listen to SHINee and must grin everytime!!! awwrrr!!!! I lovvee this soong because it suscribe the mood of a teengirl ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

The beat is lovable, and when they sing the chorus, they sound like angels :3 Minho, the most charismatic member of the group, sings especially well in this song, using his deep voice to advantage.  Jonghyun’s beginning has been described as sounding like a kid song, but later he comes across as really cool and fun. Listeners will be most excited by the “JongKey duet near the end!!!~ *3* OMG so CUTE~Onew has chicken so it’s all okay!!! • w •”

“Up and Down” is a song to make you happy when you are sad, or to cheer you up when you’re on your period.

It’s a song so good, we feel you should be warned of the following listeners’ experiences:

  • I almost spoil my mouse because I keep doing a replay
  • Litteraly I have been listening to this all day. Someone help me please x)
  • I had this song in my head during alllllllll dinner…
  • I would totally die if I was pulled from listening to SHINee. xD
  • It takes over your life.

12 years ago Short URL Comments

Requests

//////

16

Sep

Aunt Nellie’s Sliced Ruby Red Pickled Beets

Today’s request comes from Super Midge. When I asked what I should blog about, she replied, “Vegetables.”

Image

I will begin with a list of vegetables I didn’t always know were vegetables.

List of Vegetables I Did Not Always Know Were Vegetables

An investigation of household vegetables led to the discovery of a third vegetable-I-didn’t-know-was-a-vegetable: gherkins. Gherkins also belong to the broader category “Things I Didn’t Know Existed.”

Image

What is a gherkin? Wikipedia knows!

Where is Mt. Olive? I wondered the same thing.

Now, time for the interview. Super Midge  and T, Vegetable Connoisseurs Extraordinaire, offer us their expert opinions on all things vegetable.

Me: Okay, first question. If I were a vegetable, what kind of vegetable would I be?

S. Midge: Who me?

Me: No, me.

S. Midge: So what you would be?

Me: Yes.

S. Midge: I would say…corn.

Me: Uhhh. Why?

S. Midge: Because [laughs] umm…you can do a lot of stuff with corn. [laughs] And it’s…I don’t know, it burns easily. Like in the microwave?

Me: Okay, T. What kind of vegetable would I be?

T: I would say wheat.

S. Midge: Is that even a vegetable?

T: Is it a vegetable?

Me: No.

T: No?

Me: No.

T: What is wheat?

Me: It’s a grain.

T: Well then I guess…a squash.

S. Midge: What?

Me: Okay. Umm…

S. Midge: What are oblong yarn balls?

Me: Also not a vegetable. Okay, now I need to ask your opinion of this picture:

Image

Me: What is the first word that comes to mind?

S. Midge: [unbearable pause]

Me: Quickly.

S. Midge: [panicked] I don’t know! No but seriously, what are oblong yarn balls? What’s a six letter word that means that? No, it’s for my game…

Me: T?

T: [slowly] Aunt Nellie’s pickled beets… Are those even ours?

Me: Okay, what about this picture? First word.

Image

S. Midge: Toothpaste. I don’t know, it’s hard. I don’t get paid enough for this. What does nascent mean?

T: Nascent?

S. Midge: N-A-Scent.

Me: T, your picture is this one:

Image

T: [unbearable pause]

S. Midge: Can you read it?

T: Yeah… … Yum. So when we finish this, we’re definitely playing MarioKart. I’ve decided.

S. Midge: Oh, custard! Don’t write that.

Me: Umm…alright, I need a last question. If you could make one food be classified as a vegetable, what would it be?

T: Wheat.

Me: Super Midge?

S. Midge: [unbearable pause] Uh. Not pizza.

T: That’s already a vegetable, silly.

S. Midge: I’m aware. [unbearable pause] Oh, wait. What’s the question again?

Me: Alright, the question is, if you could make any food be classified as a vegetable, what food would you choose?

T: Maybe pick a food you really enjoy eating so then you don’t have to feel guilty about eating it.

S. Midge: I would say…rice cakes.

T: Umm–

S. Midge: Shh, don’t speak.

T: Rice and corn are already vegetables.

S. Midge: Rice is a grain.

Image

Image

Super Midge says, “It’s a fruit and a vegetable!”

12 years ago Short URL Comments

Photographs/Requests

/////////

14

Sep

I am taking requests.

Why can I only win a race when playing as Bowser? I don’t even like Bowser.

Ian-in-Japan said, “…” Okay, actually I can’t remember exactly what he said, so forget about quotation marks. It was something along the lines of: Now go play Mario Kart and write about what happens because “I would read that.” That last part was an exact quote, and I am holding him to it.

Regretfully, I have no experience in sports-commentator-ing. If I did, I am sure I could make these video game races sound INTENSE! even when they weren’t really. Mostly I just ran into the wall.

The end of the race was much like the start.

Luigi Circuit

  • Forget which button accelerates.
  • Reverse into cluster of pink and yellow flowers.
  • Knock into large metal pipe.
  • Acquire lightning bolt.
  • Press button to release lightning bolt. Reverse camera angle instead.
  • Discover that by rotating steering wheel 180 degrees, the kart will steer in the expected directions. Feel considerably less confused.
  • Release lightning bolt.
  • Acquire three speed-burst mushrooms.
  • Use speed-burst mushrooms.
  • Which is weird, when you think about it, because Toad is a mushroom.
  • [just realized Toad is Toad  because he’s a a toadstool.]
  • [just realized toadstools are toadstools because they seem like something a toad could sit on.]
  • Complete first lap.
  • Slip on banana peel. Spin wildly out of control.
  • Spin into question box (the good kind).
  • Acquire & use golden mushroom.
  • Catch sight of opponents.
  • Smash into Yoshi and send him spinning wildly out of control.
  • Slip on banana peel at same time Baby Mario also slips on nearby banana peel. Spin wildly out of control and into Baby Mario.
  • Observe nuclear explosion in the not-so-distant distance.
  • Complete second lap.
  • Knocked into question box (the good kind) and acquire golden mushroom.
  • Use golden mushroom.
  • Speed past several opponents, but remain in twelfth place.
  • Flatten Baby Peach, but remain in twelfth place.
  • Complete final lap. In twelfth place.

Moo Moo Meadows

  • Zoom into fourth place, leap over ramp and smash Baby Mario
  • Distracted by nearby explosion and also by squirting ink from Hovering Octopus Thingy.
  • Twelfth place.
  • Knock Yoshi aside.
  • Eleventh place.
  • Accidentally reverse.
  • Twelfth place.
  • Invincible.
  • Invincible.
  • Seventh place.
  • Invincible.
  • FIRST PLACE.
  • Hit by green turtle shell. Vow revenge on Luigi.
  • Release green turtle shell. Fail to hit Luigi.
  • Regain first place as finish line approaches.
  • Delayed by emergence of Mole-like Creature from the ground.
  • Complete race in second place.

Mushroom Gorge

  • Quickly glide into first place and effortlessly bounce across Large Bouncy Mushroom. Deposit banana peel.
  • Neatly avoid green shell and effortlessly bounce across three Large Bouncy Mushrooms. Deposit banana peel.
  • Accidentally reverse.
  • Overtaken by Luigi.
  • Hit by question box (the bad kind) but recover in time to effortlessly bounce across series of Large Bouncy Mushrooms.
  • Hit by spinning green shell at same time that Luigi is hit by flying blue shell.
  • Luigi explodes.
  • Passed by Princess Peach and Someone Else.
  • Shock of falling into fourth place results in kart veering into passing Kupa.
  • Spin wildly out of control.
  • Complete first lap.
  • Spin wildly out of control, along with Luigi and Wario.
  • Acquire speed-burst mushroom. Speedily run into banana peel.
  • Am somehow in first place.
  • Neatly bounce across Large Bouncy Mushrooms. Deposit banana peel.
  • Complete second lap.
  • Vow revenge on Whoever Released Winged Blue Shell.
  • Explode.
  • Passed by Luigi.
  • Regain first place.
  • Bounce across Large Bouncy Mushrooms. Deposit banana peel.
  • Overtaken by speeding Yoshi, who deposits banana peel.
  • Knocked off Large Bouncy Mushroom and into bottomless gorge. Vow revenge on Yoshi.
  • Seventh place.
  • Knocked off Large Bouncy Mushroom and into bottomless gorge. Vow revenge on Bowser.
  • Finish in eighth place.
  • Sob.

Toad’s Factory

  • With high hopes, zoom into fifth place.
  • Narrowly avoid banana peel only to be knocked into banana peel by Princess Peach.
  • Take first only to be squirted in face by Hovering Octopus Thingy.
  • Veer into bottomless gorge.
  • Tenth place.
  • Struck by lightning bolt.
  • Shrink to size even smaller than pre-existing small size.
  • Regain normal small size.
  • Acquire three speed-burst mushrooms.
  • Eighth place.
  • Sixth place.
  • Second place.
  • Spin wildly out of control for no apparent reason.
  • Shrink in size for no apparent reason.
  • Slip on banana peel. Careen into empty wooden crate.
  • Flatten Princess Peach with assistance from speed-burst mushroom.
  • Spin wildly out of control for no apparent reason.
  • Sludge through mud.
  • Fourth place.
  • Slip on banana peel.
  • Acquire three green shells.
  • Release three green shells.
  • Fail to hit anyone.
  • Avoid nuclear explosion, arrive in first place.
  • Complete race in FIRST PLACE, but it’s not enough to put Toad on the winner’s podium.

12 years ago Short URL Comments

Requests

///////

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.